"I don't take Opposite Day
seriously at all." she declared as she picked up her egg-shell whisk and
vigorously stirred a bowl of molten steel.
2.
Bob's lawn is immaculate. This
can be attributed to many things, not the least of which is the lawn comb that
he developed. Carved from balsa wood, with rounded teeth perfectly spaced for
his exact species of grass, it allowed him to lift and separate the individual
blades before clipping them with his titanium scissors.
3.
He was an artisanal saltmaker.
He would start with a block of pink Himalayan rock salt and diamond sharpened
rasp. Once he had a decent pile of shaving to work with, he brought out the
jeweler's fob and his specialized tools. He would custom grind each minute
granule into a perfect icosahedron.
His salt was expensive, but
grotesquely wealthy foodies would put nothing else on their cantaloupe.
4.
It opened down the road from me.
The Fast Food Joint. It is there for people who want to make a political
statement; who want to rage against the machine; who want to follow in the
footsteps of Gandhi.
You walk up to the counter, pay
your $7 and they give you no food.
The chairs are also really
uncomfortable.
I thought that was a nice touch.
5.
It takes her 3 weeks to read
your palm. 7 hour sessions every day. She doesn’t just read the usual heart and
head lines like your typical new age shop gypsy. She reads every line on your
hand; she can divine the first book you ever read, the last movie you saw and
the name of the last person you will ever kiss based on nothing more than the
ridges of your index fingerprint.
You have to pay significantly
more for her to disclose the secrets contained in the lines at the base of your
thumb, but I wouldn’t recommend it to those who cherish their sanity.
-------------
Eric Stoveken is a writer of strange and unusual tales living in eastern
Pennsylvania. He is the author of The Devil Yearns for The Perfect
Denver Omelet and Other Revelations, which is available from Amazon. You
can visit his website at www.ericstoveken.weebly.com or follow him on Twitter @EMStoveken
Copyright 2013 Eric Stoveken
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